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NFL Starting Quarterbacks Ranked By How Good I Think They’d Be At Ranking Quarterbacks
BY CHRISTMAS APE • 07.07.15

1. Sam Bradford

Knows all the quarterbacks and would give a fair assessment of their skills.

2. Drew Brees

Is old and smart. Surely knows his quarterbacks.

3. Cam Newton

Could make a fair quarterback list and be entertaining about it.

4. Alex Smith

He definitely knows all the quarterbacks but I worry he’s too nice and therefore concerned about offending people so there would likely be unnecessary ties.

5. Aaron Rodgers

Knows all the quarterbacks and has a good sense of their abilities, but I fear he wouldn’t take this seriously and would probably throw in a Princess Bride reference just to be cute.

6. Brian Hoyer

Has backed up enough quarterbacks to know which ones are good.

7. Carson Palmer

Veteran savvy and time spent watching the playoffs instead of participating makes him a formidable ranker.

8. Geno Smith

Remember, quarterback ability doesn’t correspond with quarterback ranking ability. I’ve seen Geno’s ranking in action and lemme tell ya, he can make all the rankings.

9. Tony Romo

Unfairly maligned ranking skills. History will remember him for his stellar ranking abilities.

10. Teddy Bridgewater

Small hands have me concerned he would struggle counting quarterbacks on his fingers, but otherwise solid.

11. Blake Bortles

Bortles had to crack the top 15 in something.

12. Andrew Luck

I assume he’d rather be ranking buildings, flying buttresses or other architecture stuff.

13. Matt Ryan

Knows all the quarterbacks and their level of skill, but holy sh*t, it would be a boring and predictable list.

14. Nick Foles

Nick Foles is required to either be ranked 14 or 22 on any list. I stick with my decision here.

15. Derek Carr

Clearly the superior ranker of the Carr brothers.

16. Joe Flacco

Really hard to tell whether this guy can rank quarterbacks or not. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

17. Philip Rivers

Is probably gonna throw Jesus and some of his 38 kids in there.

18. Peyton Manning

If this were a ranking of brands he endorsed, I’d feel better about his ability.

19. Robert Griffin III

Same.

20. Ryan Tannehill

It’s not a ranking of guns so Ryan takes a dip here.

21. Matt Stafford

Would inexplicably overrank obvious choices.

22. Marcus Mariota

Can’t trust a rookie to rank NFL quarterbacks.

23. Jameis Winston

Can’t trust a dumb rookie to rank NFL quarterbacks.

24. Jay Cutler

Wouldn’t care.

25. Russell Wilson

Would put God at no. 1

26. Matt Cassel

He’s Matt Cassel.

27. Johnny Manziel

Seems like a dude who might put himself at no. 1 for the hell of it.

28. Colin Kaepernick

Definitely a dude who would put himself at no. 1.

29. Tom Brady

Can’t be trusted.

30. Andy Dalton

Would do a decent job of ranking the first 24 or so then totally screw up the last eight. SMH Andy Dalton.

31. Eli Manning

Might not know all the quarterbacks.

32. Ben Roethlisberger

Absolutely doesn’t know all the quarterbacks.

Elvis wrote:Finally, Bradford getting some love, as a potential QB ranker, but still gotta start somewhere...